My wife died, on a Thursday, the 10th of March, of this year, 2022.
My March was not so terrible, maybe because I kept very busy.
My April was much worse, with the 19th of April, marked on my calendar, now, as my “crazy day.”
I gradually got better, in May,
and now, in June, it seems that most of this month has been pretty strong and steady.
I got a letter in the mail, today, just one single page.
It’s from the agency that handled the hospice care, for Tonia, my wife,
during the last three weeks of her life.
That agency was great.
They got a hospital style bed, delivered to our home.
That bed made Tonia so much more comfortable.
She had kidney failure,
resulting in water retention, all over her body.
The only way to rest, and sleep, in comfort,
was in that bed, with the head of the bed, raised a fair amount,
letting the water settle in her back and backside, and thighs,
where it was out of the way, for three weeks,
until her heart gave out, and she died.
Anyway.
Now, that same agency, sent me this letter,
advising me on how to cope with my grief.
Here are the bullet points, from the letter:
- Acknowledge your thoughts. Accept both the positive and the negative.
- Make a conscious attempt to regain your sense of humor, zest for living.
- Assert yourself. Ask for what you need!
- Believe in yourself.
- Listen to everyone, but most importantly, listen to yourself.
- Set small goals first. Accomplish them. Set bigger goals.
- Set a specific date with yourself to do something you enjoy.
- Reach out to others.
- Focus on only one worry at a time.
- Search for joy every day. Consider capturing that moment of joy in a journal.
- Try to retain your sense of perspective.
As I was typing this, I was listening to the hearings,
the January 6th Select Committee hearings.
www.dailykos.com/…
This is the comment I posted, at the Daily Kos live diary:
I am crying.
I am crying, so hard.
I am watching Shaye Moss.
She looks like my wife, Tonia.
She talks like my wife, Tonia.
When she described what she loved, about working with older Black folks,
and working with folks who are disabled and elderly,
getting absentee ballots to them,
so they can vote,
when she described all that,
I could feel Tonia’s attitude.
Tonia and Shaye Moss have the same attitude,
about the black community,
and about the elderly and disabled.
Tonia died, on a Thursday, the 10th of March, of this year, 2022.
I am crying, hard.
In a way, they are tears of joy.
Shaye Moss and her mother have a big voice, today.
They carry on the legacy of Tonia.
These hearings are very important.
Thank you, Daily Kos, for giving me a place to mix,
passion and politics.
Thank you.
Maybe listening to the hearings, and making the connection,
between Tonia and Shaye Moss,
maybe that was following the bullet point about finding joy,
and recording that joy, in a journal.
Thanks for reading,
and, as you react to this diary,
you are helping me, in my grief journey.
Thank you.